If you’re dealing with a relationship breakup, a career setback, or one of the many other life circumstances that can throw you for a loop, it’s essential to know that life has its share of ups and downs for all of us.
It may seem lonely, but the truth is that there isn’t one among us who hasn’t felt like they’re trying to get their sh*t together or lose their mind at some point.
If you find yourself in this situation now, take it as a sign to take a deep breath and take charge.
Don’t know how to be optimistic when you look like you’re falling apart? Here are 12 ways to restore your self-esteem and put the pieces back together.
1. Make a decision
When we reach a point of no return, we come to a crossroads. Here we must make a significant, life-impacting decision.
We can choose to embrace the difficulties and pain associated with transition, or we can allow the suffering of protection to catch up with us and continue to rob us of our power and control.
2. Take responsibility
Remember that you are 100% responsible for yourself and your happiness, no matter what has happened in the past.
So embrace it and acknowledge it. This is the first and most critical step on the path to a healthier body, mind, and life.
3. Choose your response
Situations arise, and life is always a struggle. It hurts everyone at some point, but it is our reaction to our condition that affects us more than the situation itself.
We have the power to choose how we respond, even if we have no control over what happens.
4. Value the things you do every day
It’s not the drastic changes that lead to lasting change; it’s the small changes that give us true independence, the wisdom we need, and the clarity to live happier lives.
So don’t underestimate the things you do every day, the things that don’t seem big enough to make a difference. Train yourself to pay attention to, notice and enjoy the small changes that happen every day.
5. Your mind is not your friend, but it’s not your enemy either
Your mind is your best tool in the quest to improve your health. But it can also be the biggest weak point in the security mechanisms.
Work on your mind, and you will find a way through. What do you have to lose by trying?
6. When you feel going around and around…
Try to catch yourself in the process of pattern and habit, and then notice where thoughts and emotions take you. How we think and respond will either promote or hinder our recovery and fulfillment in life.
Take a step back and look at your life as if you were watching a film of your own. If you watch yourself act on your script, what would you say the end of the story would depend on the actions of this heroine or hero? Does it enable you to see a pattern of thinking or action that needs to be observed first, then disrupted, then changed?
7. Choose your efforts carefully
Do you remember the theory of Pareto 80/20? It states that 80% of our results come from 20% of our actions. So choose your efforts carefully.
Failure is a failure if you want it to be. However, growing from defeat and learning from it is a victory because every success is founded on a mountain of assumed “failures”. So build space in your life for learning and developing, and not being great.
8. Be honest with yourself
For example, are you stuck in a job, marriage, or something else that is draining you because you are too afraid to change anything because there are too many difficult challenges to overcome?
Remember, you’re going to get what you’re tolerating in life.
9. Intentions are like the ruler of life
When you set your goal in a specific direction, the whole ship starts sailing in that direction. You can make your intentions bigger and smaller, update them, change them, and reset them as often as you like.
10. Cultivate the value approach
The same goes for seeking acceptance, validation, or approval from others; this does not serve you in any way. It’s just draining you.
Both principles mean allowing someone to manipulate your feelings for you. Remember that no one gives you more or less value, regardless of their views.
Instead, cultivate the value approach; think about who you are, how you want to be, and who you want to be in the future. Make a list of the things you want to accomplish in your life.
There are many ways to cultivate the value you owe yourself. You are in charge of this issue and have absolute control over it.
11. Take a break
This is my favorite one! When you feel irritable, discouraged, and burnt out, it’s not a sign that you should give up; it’s a sign that you need to rest and calm down. But unfortunately, listening to what our body is trying to tell us, is often the hardest thing we have to learn.
Do you have a long list of unpleasant voices reminding you that you are lazy when lying in the afternoon? Do you then wonder that you “should” do more because you didn’t do enough yesterday?
We are managers of our own mission, and sometimes we don’t even know we are doing it. Learn to allow yourself a moment to relax and reunite when feeling down. When you allow yourself this time, you will get back up and ready again.
12. Learn to deal with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings
Transformation and recovery both take place in your comfort zone. A shift makes you feel uncomfortable because it’s still fresh and unexpected.
Just think of your comfort zone as an old habit that no longer suits you. It can also be a very unproductive cycle of thinking or activity in life that we maintain because it’s familiar to us. Our personality is related to our ways of thinking and daily routines. When you change these habits, first, you feel like you’re losing yourself.
So what to do when uncomfortable thoughts and feelings arise during periods of transformation? Try to face them with curiosity, and learn to recognize the habits that have caused you to feel stuck. This approach also allows you to be brave and ready to let go of everything that no longer suits you.
So, here they are, 12 hacks to better deal with major crossroads in your life. I hope some of these resonate with you and work as a gentle reminder of how to approach transitional moments in your life.